Wednesday 23 November 2011

Wednesday 23rd November 2011 (Round 3)

Well, boy oh boy, it has been a long time since I've updated.... where to start.....

The last few weeks (well most of this round actually) has been a little bit of a rollercoaster/bumpy ride. I've struggled a lot this round with food and am just truly being a rebelling teenager when it comes to my nutrition, but that in itself has had some good points come of it. Lets ignore the illnesses and butchered toes at this stage or other reasons I've had to miss training (as they are legit and not excuses so meh, can't help that, but the nutrition in inexcusable)

Although my weight has ventured continuously up and down and I'm generally heavier (for lack of a better word) than when I finished the last round at a mere 56kg. I look so so much better (so I've been told a number of times) I feel I look better as well. My cheeks are filled out again and as other people have pointed out, I just look healthier than just skinny. It's all good and well for me to say it's nice to be "slight" when I was.... but was it just that I've never truly been this thin in my life and I was just overcome with joy to buy clothes that fit ??? I thought I was happy at that weight, but now..... hmmmm.... not so sure.... would I prefer skinny or healthy ??? now to get to this new "healthy" look, I was actually unhealthy... eating what ever and how much I wanted, not all the time, but enough to have an effect..... I was surprised I could actually polish off some of the stuff I ate to be honest.... back to the good ole days..... hmmm... weren't actually so good after all thinking back..... I've put on about a kg of muscle too this round which I'm really happy about, but with the munch-a-thons I've also added some fat over them so right now I'm trying desperately to keep my size, but strip the fat off the muscles and get a bit of my definition back.... process is taking longer than I want, but Rome wasn't built in a day and now my nutrition is back under control, the results I'm after should be here in a few weeks.... not really in time for end of Round or the finale party, but my goal is Bali for Christmas and New Years and I should be comfortable to rock that bikini by then....

Hmmmm end of round.... I was beating..... negate..... flogging myself that I got all "fat" (unbelievable... I still weight less than I did in high school and in fact I tried on my Year 10 formal dress for a laugh and it was too big !!!) then I went back to what I committed to at the start of the round to see how much I kept my word.... you know what..... I'm on track with what I said I would do (with 1 issue).... problem is I set me goals to small and should have given more.... One problem with my little commitment is that I said I would stick within 2kg of 56kg..... so if I float up to 58kg then I'd knuckle down and get back down to 56..... dumb dumb dumb.... where am I going to fit in that 1kg of muscle I gained ??? have a treat one night and whooop over the 58kg mark..... I need to really give my goals and commitments far more thought.... and because I over achieved last round I didn't think I could back it up this round and in the end held myself back and then when the reins started slipping I put far far far too much pressure on myself overachieve again..... you know.... strut out at the finale party like I'd just stepped off of stage working it with Arnie (the old muscle man Arnie before he became a politician).... that was not what I wanted for me.... I wanted to just stay the same as I was when I finished last round..... silly silly me..... too much pressure and something will have to give... hello cookie world !!!!.....

It's the old story of comparing.... people do this program and compare themselves to others, weight loss, lifting power, fastest runner, fat percentages, biggest guns.... we forget who we are and where we want our journey to lead us..... I know I lost my way and met the Big Bad Wolf (he comes in Lemon and White Chocolate flavour and my favourite White Chocolate and Cranberry flavour)..... but you know what, that's ok. Because without travelling off the beaten path I wouldn't have realised some home truths about myself..... I do put too much pressure on myself. No one else gives a flying fruit bat if I turn up to the finale and have gained weight, lost my guns, have a little extra cushioning on the buns (how blissful would that be in a spin class !!!) whatever..... It's only me worried about it.... You know what !! Everyone will be too worried about themselves to see what I've done :)

Anyway... bit of a soap box post I know... but hey... next week I'll do a bit of a wrap up, decide whether to do "after" pics and maybe do a bit of forward help as I still get quite a few questions about "how I do it".... so I'll attack the main questions...

Till then XX

Oh food for thought..... PRESSURE.... Where does yours come from ??? Is it truly an outside influence eg your boss puts pressure on you or is a bit more internal..... ???? Take 5min and truly think about it...