Well it's been a long while since I've posted so here goes,
Firstly the binging continued for the first 4 weekends of this round and slowly started to get worse as I wouldn't just over eat the healthy stuff in the house, I'd actually go out and buy stuff as well. So I made a secondary commitment to not binge for the rest of this round with the thought that I can set up better habits again that I can take with me over Christmas... I have come to grips with the fact that I may binge again and "relapse", but all in all I CAN stop this from being a part of my regular life. I've done it before and can do it again. So far so good. It's been a week and although I've had a few extra snacks here and there, I've stayed accountable and not gone into a full blown eat the contents of the fridge binge. Happy days.
Secondly - Weight has been a bit up and down due to binges but now it's evening back out again and I'm within my 2kg swing allowance around that 56kg mark. So very happy I've got off the weight I gained through the binging. Today's weigh in was 56.4kg which is down 500g from last week. Happy days again.. as I have thrown the food diary and calorie counting out the window.. The way I see it at the moment is that I CANNOT expect to keep this up for the rest of my life. I don't know many people that are of healthy weight that will write down and count everything they eat. They just know when they've had enough and just eat within a healthy range. So I'm just eating all the planned meals still and just snacking when I'm hungry. Seems so easy to write it down, but with all the weight training my body is constantly telling me I'm hungry so I do have to be more mindful of what is true hunger and what is boredom, emotional and habit eating... My system isn't perfect, but I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders as I was putting too much pressure on myself to make everything perfect and be within exactly such and such amount of calories and only eating such and such..... I think putting myself under so much pressure may be what was causing the weekend food fests...... I am having dessert every night though which although is fine going by my body, I don't want to set up a habit. So will nip that in the bud starting tonight.
Last week was measure up and fitness test week (full results are under "Statistics" page), but generally my measurements stayed around the same which I expect as there isn't anything else for me to lose and in fact I'm expecting things to start going up a little with some muscle growth. My fitness test was super surprising as I was so so sore from the weeks worth of workouts.... Yes silly me didn't do the fitness test at the start of the week..... so even though I felt "broken" and sore and tired, on the Friday AFTER doing chest and back I pulled out the "JFDI" card and freaking gave it all I had. It was the closest to throwing up from training I've ever felt.... the fact that it was like 100 degrees as well didn't help.... but ALL tests showed improvements !!! I was one very happy camper.... VERY happy..... Biggest surprise I had was my flexibility test. Gained 3cm on my reach..... I honestly thought I was at my limit with that one, but looks like I'm not...
Now that we've touched on the program it's time for the mind food...... And this has been rolling around in my head since last round....
Last round my neighbour said "Kerri you've lost heaps of weight, what are you doing?, You look anorexic"... at the time it didn't bother me as I walked away thinking "so what, I can do 40 odd push ups off my toes and run 10km, what can you do?".... BUT
Why does it seem socially acceptable to say to someone "Wow, you've lost weight, what have you been doing, you look so thin"...
when if it was the opposite scenario NO ONE would come up to me and say "Wow, Kerri, what have you been doing you've got so fat"......
WHY !!!! What is this phenomenon that makes it ok to call someone thin, but not fat...??? I find being called "skinny", "thin", and especially "tiny" and of course "anorexic" really unnacceptable and I find on those days that it happens they are the days that I do tend to eat a lot more than I normally would..... and I spend more time worrying "am I too thin?".... So why is this socially acceptable to say ??? Is it due to the unnatural and incomprehensible media push that to be "beautiful" that you need to be model, stick thin, and therefore if you are in fact thin then it's ok to comment on such because that's what you must want? or is it the fact that every second ad on TV or in the media generally is yet another weight loss program, powder, pill, procedure or OMG so many to say.... therefore EVERYONE MUST want to be thin, and again therefore it must be ok to say you are thin....... ???
Yes, I'm smaller now than ever due to being healthy. BUT I'm the healthiest, fittest, fastest and strongest I've ever been in my life (even teens) and I do like the fact that I know I will find something off the rack that will fit and I can by something online and it too will fit..... but truly.... if I could be this fit and healthy and I'm a few dress sizes larger.... I think I would still be a happy camper.... I was unhappy as a size 12/14 when I first started 12wbt back in May 2011, but the unhappiness was because I was soft, hail damaged, and although I was of a healthy weight... I wasn't actually healthy.... I knew that.... I wasn't a worse case scenario, but I was far far far from the best version of myself, physically and mentally.....
So for this weeks food for thought maybe truly think over the next time you want to call someone skinny, thin, or tiny..... is it really what they want to hear ????
And also.... why is it socially acceptable to say someone is thin compared to saying someone has gained weight ???
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