Thursday 18th August 2011 - Preseason Round 3

Hello blogger world !!!!

It felt way too weird not updating after my weekly weigh in so after my reward on the weekend of my completely out of proportion steak and lobster dinner... Om nom nom nom... and glass of wine.... As of yesterday morning, I did actually gain 600gm taking me to 56.5kg.... I must say I am a little confused over this as my treat meal wasn't overly excessive and I didn't have garlic bread or anything before or dessert after etc... Mind you I feel a bit bigger too.... maybe water retention ??? who knows.... it is what it is. Since the treat on the weekend, I've been my usual overachieving self with my food intake and training and have tagged on a little extra training here and there to "make up for it".... Probably why I'm a little confused as to why I haven't drifted back down in weight... Mind you this morning I had lost 400gm of the weight..... anyway I'm not worried, just intrigued.... amazing machine this human body, but sometimes rhyme and reason seem to go out the window...

Anyways I want to use today as a recognition of my past/results/changes and my future (bring it round 3!!!) so today's post might be a little lengthy.... I want to recognise the past and move on to the next phase of ME !!! :)

What Round 2 Did To Me;

Well besides the actual statistics that I've already given you about my weight/fitness and strength I wanted to share a few of the other changes... i) I use to be on a constant weight roller coaster. I'd train and eat properly for about 3 months and get into shape (nothing anywhere near what I've achieved with Mish - lowest weight I've EVER got down to was 63kg and I was a happy girl then so you can imagine my delight now) and then for the following 6 months I would just throw everything out the window and eat and eat and eat and not train and basically trash my beautifully built temple and use it as a night club then once I got over that magical 70kg mark again I'd get the broom out and start cleaning up the temple again. Looking back...omg !!!... that was so exhausting and emotionally draining. I'd hate myself for what I'd done and beat myself up, HOW MEAN !!!. This has changed. It's stopped. The new me will NOT do that. That's not an affirmation or me trying to tell myself that, I simply am not that person anymore. ii) I'm not a doormat anymore. My entire life I've stepped back and let others have what I've wanted and I've gone without. Even for the essay question from Mish of "why do you deserve a prize" I started as my usual selfless self.... thinking along the lines of "I've already got my reward, my new body" and "others deserve it more than me as they've done the hard work too and had more obstacles".... then I thought "HANG ON A MINUTE" I do deserve recognition for my achievements...... Major change.... Actually saying "yes I do deserve this".... Basically putting myself on par with everyone else instead of always below or subservient... I think this is huge... Over 30 years of stepping aside, but no longer. I'm still the meek, mild and tentatively introverted me... but I'm certainly a LOT more assertive (and I don't need a drink to do it :)) iii) I'm not mean to myself anymore !!! I use to always say horrid things to myself, 'you're not worth it, you'll always have that fat arse, you've had hail damage since you were 14, it's not going anywhere and you're wasting your time'... along with choice names like loser and failure... I'm nice to me now. I deserve that. I congratulate myself on great work outs, I tell myself that the dress looks lovely on me.... all the good stuff... and when I hear that nasty bully try and hurt me I laugh and tell it to grow up and stop being jealous of my wonderful achievements..... lol iv) I'm not an emotional eater anymore, but an emotional trainer.... yup that's right, instead of working the leftovers out of the fridge I'm working my arse off at the gym and it's by far more rewarding and I certainly feel better for it v) I can control my binges. I CHOOSE now whether to let myself have something or not. Food does not control me anymore. I may still think of food more often than a normal being, but instead of a glimmer of a craving and I'm hitting the snacks, I react so much more maturely and stop, breathe, recognise whether I'm hungry or craving, where is the craving coming from etc.... and I DECIDE to have it or not... not the mindless munchfest that use to be me vi) This may sound odd, but I can actually buy clothes that fit... even online !! I was a size to a size and a half out of proportion from the top of my body to the bottom so dresses and swimwear never fit properly... Hard to get a dress with a size 12/14 arse and a 10 top :)... no longer... same size all the way through now and very very happy to buy clothes... use to HATE clothes shopping and found it humiliating... Big smiles (and expenses) now though :)

What About Round 3?

Well I think my goal setting may just be a little harder this time as I overachieved in Round 2, but I want to keep this temple maintained and look after it. I don't mind if I get more/less muscly etc, but as long as it's maintained and my clothes fit and I remain fit, strong and healthy, then happy days ahead. To be honest I didn't realise just how different I would look at the end of this. I thought I'd look smaller, more firm and less fat... I did not in anyway expect muscle.... I like :).... where was I? ahh yes, this round.... I want to spend a lot more time in the mind gym in Round 3 and push myself beyond what I find to be some really uncomfortable situations. I get very very anxious and scared of group situations. Whether it's talking, training, meeting, greeting, personal or work related, face to face, online, video or on the phone.... I'm socially awkward. Well.....I FEEL very awkward and uncomfortable. I have to push myself to socialise in these situations because I'm so fearful of coming across as an idiot or offending someone and mainly I think people are judging me or laughing at me. So more group classes will be done and I have a goal of AT LEAST 1 a week and not just RPM where I can hide in the dark on my bike. Actual interactive sessions.... Time to come out of the shell. Gawd watch out world !!!! On another note I want to achieve 3 push ups with claps in a row as well because it's coming across as my Achilles heel and also wide grip chin ups unassisted. I can do close reverse grip ones pretty easily, but the wide grip ones are still challenging.... but not for long ;)

Well I think that's enough... If you've made it this far through... thank you and well done :) XX

So to wrap it up. I think my Round 2 results were phenomenal I lost over 8kg, over 7% in fat, 2 dress sizes, over 40cm in total from the body and a bucket load of emotional baggage... The photos don't show that.... holy snapping turtles.... over 40cm off my body !!! NO WONDER I "THREW OUT" 4 RUBBISH BAGS OF CLOTHES THAT DON'T FIT !!!! Yay to me, pat on the back.... (there's that self recognition again :), better than "but look at all the work you have left to do spongebob arse!!!".... hey....)

And Round 3 is getting mind fit and a few strength challenges too.... So very very content and happy with life right now...

OH !!!!! My 3 month goal for Round 2 was to get pro pics done.... I chickened out (of course), but am now back in the game and have to committed to getting them done within the next 6 to 8 weeks... just have to get some other stuff over and done with first.... so YAY !!! another goal on the road to being accomplished.... and I came out of my shy shell to commit to them..... So watch this space... It might have some pretty cool pics !!!

Thanks for hanging in there with me all this way and from now on it's all systems go for Round 3 and moving forward from Round 2....

XXX

Food for thought - When was the last time you gave yourself a pat on the back for something ???? Do you think it's about time ??? Do it.... It feels rather nice.... X